17-year-old begs dad not to date until she goes to college after years of him cycling through girlfriends: 'I just want him and I to spend time together.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 27, 2025 5:00 PM EST

When he has a girlfriend, he doesn't think about anything else.

It's generally considered uncouth to tell anyone in your life that you don't like who they're dating, and you wish they wouldn't date that person. How many people do you know who hate their friend's boyfriend and have hated him for years, yet they keep that fact from their friend so they don't hurt her feelings? I know enough to know it's not just a one-off thing! I don't think the world would be better if everyone went around openly hating on their friend's partners, but it is a strange world we live in where someone can pretend to like their friend's boyfriend for years, and the second they break up, they tell her that they hated him the whole time. 

It's one thing to dislike your friend's partner for no reason. It's a totally different thing to feel emotional about your parent constantly dating someone new, and putting you on the back burner. If a friend blows you off for their boyfriend or girlfriend, it hurts, but you can always hang out with another friend. If your dad is constantly hanging out with his girlfriend and doesn't prioritize making time for you, it's much more complicated, because you've only got one dad. Divorced and single parents have to constantly grapple with balancing their dating life and their parenting life, because it can really hurt their kids if they are always choosing their girlfriend over them. At the same time, having a kid shouldn't entirely stop their parent from dating…right?

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  • It certainly depends on the situation, but the 17-year-old in this story has a case for asking her dad not to date anyone until she goes to college. Every time he has a new woman in his life, his daughter never gets to spend any alone time with him. The girlfriend is always there. 

  • A woman is crying with her hand over her mouth
    via Eduardo Ramos (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for asking my dad not to be in a relationship?

    I'm 17F and a senior in high school. My parents have been separated since I was little (first or second grade idk)
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • My dad's been in a ton of relationships, at least 3 since they separated and the last one was an engagement where we all lived together for like five years. He and I don't really
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • talk about his relationships, the one time he did was him telling me how much he missed his first ex- girlfriend after they broke. up. She was the woman he left us and moved away for and I was in 3rd grade I think so I was just kind of weirded out and didn't
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • know what to say. He hasn't really talked to me about any of them since. Anyway, now I'm a senior in hs and he broke up with his fiancé so now it's just me and him living together (when I'm not at my moms) and he just told me he's
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • seeing someone new. I know it was really immature of me but I kind of freaked out at him. I wasn't crying at first but I was really upset and asked him if he could just wait until I leave for college to start dating someone new. It's less than
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • A group of people sitting on top of a staircase
    via Ahmed (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • a year and really only like six months since my graduation is at the end of May. I kept asking if we could just have some time with just us instead of someone else but he got really mad at me, saying it. wasn't fair of me to ask him that, don't I want him to be
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • happy, it's not all about me, stuff like that. I didn't say this to him but really, in my head I was thinking that I don't care about him being happy right now because it feels like it's always about him and his happiness. Which I
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • A man holding a bouquet of yellow flowers
    via Leire Cavia (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • know is a really unkind thing to think but if I'm being honest, it's how I feel. But I didn't say it to him, I just kept asking for these last six months to just be us. Eventually he just stopped answering me and went to bed so I did too and he didn't really talk to
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • me this weekend (it happened on Thursday night) I know I'm being selfish because I *am* asking him to make it about me and not be happy with this new woman (idk her name) but I'm only going to be here for six more months and
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • then I'm leaving for college. Idk where I'm going yet but I haven't applied to any schools in our city so I'm definitely going to be living wherever I go. I'll come home for holidays and stuff but I'll still be splitting that time up with my mom and
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • dad so it feels like these next six months are kind of it. I know I'm almost 18 and should be more mature but when he told me, I just suddenly felt like a little kid again, which is probably why I started crying at the
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • end which was really embarrassing. Idk how to explain it. I can't really talk to my friends about it and it feels embarrassing and whenever I talk to my mom about things like this, I feel bad because she never wants to say anything bad about him to me even
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • though I know she really, really doesn't like him but she's amazing at putting on a polite face So I'm asking strangers: am I the asshole here?
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • pretenderist > My dad's been in a ton of relationships, at least 3 since they separated and the last one was an engagement where we all lived together for like five years. We have different definitions of the word "ton." Three in ten years is not a lot, especially considering one was a long-term one.
    via u/pretenderist
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ When I said three, I was only counting the women who moved in and lived with us. There have been others but they were only for a few weeks or months sorry that I wasn't clear
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Human-Shoulder-8605 NTA. Just based on the little amount of information in your post, it sounds like you've never felt like a priority to your father. Starting with the woman that he left you and and your mother for. As a complete stranger with very little information to go off of, I would tell you that your father is never going to be the loving, devoted father that you always wanted. You have to accept him for who he is. I would strongly recommend therapy, to help you work through your childho
    via u/Human-Shoulder-8605
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ my mom always says that too, that I have to accept him for who he is and that I'm just setting myself up to be hurt by wanting more. idk maybe I'm not selfish but now I feel kind of dumb for asking him in the first place. I should be more mature like people are saying and I probably should have seen this coming and I shouldn't need him so much since I'm going to be 18 soon. I think my parents had me talk to someone when they first split up but that was when I was little. I'
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Moose-Live In the minority here, but NTA. Your dad left you and your mom for another woman when you were a little kid, and it sounds as though he can't face being single. Having people live with you, become part of your life, and then just disappear must be very disruptive. Could you move in with your mom?
    via u/Moose-Live
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ yeah thats what's been the worse about the other women that lived with us because I would know them and their whole family but then they're gone and I'm not allowed to talk about them again because it upsets my dad which makes sense but it makes me feel weird. when he broke up with his fiancé she took a lot of stuff and our pets and I think she blocked me. I live with my mom half the time. this schedule was decided by a judge and it was a big fight so I'm not allowed to cha
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • RillaBug 1998 Screw all these jerks calling you TA, you're NTA. If I'm understanding the timeline correctly, your dad was in a committed relationship that you were involved in, since you lived with the ex-fiancée, starting when you were 11 or 12. You would've been roughly 7 years old when your dad broke up your family for another woman, and 8-9 when that other woman left. At least one more woman in between the ages of 8-12. The problem with your dad is that his family is never his priority, it s
    via u/RillaBug1998
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ I'm sorry I didn't make the timeline more clear, sometimes it's hard to remember things from when I was younger. the woman he left us for when I was about 7 actually lived a few hours away, so he moved away to live with her. my mom didn't know he was living with someone else and thought he had moved for work. When they broke up, he moved back to our town
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Spiritual_Promise735 Sounds like maybe your dad is one of those people who can't be happy unless he's in a relationship? But even so, he shouldn't be dragging you into his relationships. Having you meet them, letting you form some type of bond or friendship with them, only to have them disappear in months or even years. Unfortunately, I don't know what your options are if he insists on doing this. But you aren't unreasonable for asking him not to for the remainder of your time at home. Given you
    via u/Spiritual_Promise735
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ yeah, there's always a very short time in between relationships if they don't directly overlap. I think if I tried to change the schedule, my dad would take my mom to court and I know she can't afford that right now. they're in a separate legal argument now because my dad is refusing to pay my mom back for his half of my braces I had in middle school edit: neither of them told me directly about the braces fight but I figured it out due to context clues and papers my mom for
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Any_Cicada2210 You're definitely NTA....its how you feel and your feelings are valid. I've got daughters and I'd like to think if one of them asked me for something as simple as to hold off dating for six months I could do that...I'd do pretty much anything to make sure they were happy and felt loved. Remember though this is a two way street, make sure you're holding off on dating as well. Maybe have another conversation with him and let him know you'll do the same so you can enjoy your last few
    via u/Any_Cicada2210
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ I've never dated anyone I'm not allowed to
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Spiritual_Promise735 NTA - first a question. How quickly does your dad switch from one relationship to another, especially when a relationship is serious? Like a fiance? People aren't supposed to jump from one serious relationship to another like changing cars in a rail train. When there's significant relationship, people need time and space in between to heal. And when he brings someone new into his life, he's also bringing someone new into your life. Letting you get attached, only to have them
    via u/Spiritual_Promise735
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ for the serious ones where they moved in, it was usually 6-12 months with some shorter stuff in between. and I get what all the comments are saying about asking him to just go on dates when I'm at my moms but that's not really how it works with him, he's either single and not dating anyone or he meets someone and then we're doing stuff together. when I was younger, he wouldn't tell me he was dating someone but suddenly his "friend" would be going to the park with us every w
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • SunshineSeriesB Ok, so I get it but a gentle YTA. What is it that you REALLY want from him? Do you want him to not date? or do you want more time with him? If you split time with being at your moms house and you're only there half the time, he's allowed to do whatever he wants in the time you're not there. You're focused on what he's doing without you when you should really focus on what you'd like him to do with you. I would 1) apologize for asking him not to get into any relationships for the
    via u/SunshineSeriesB
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ I want to be able to spend time with him before I graduate and leave for college. anytime he's dated someone it's never only when I'm at my moms, they're always around and I have to spend time with them. I just want him and I do spend time together and I don't want to have to meet someone new he and I do stuff together and it's always stuff he likes (I like some of it too) I wrote my college essay on feeling like I have a split personality because when I'm with my dad, I fe
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • Next_Tune_7164 You should put that in your original post! Is this coming from your mom or dad?
    via u/Next_Tune_7164
  • OP throwaway_selfish_ both of them they both say my job is just to focus on school
    via u/throwaway_selfish_
  • talladega-night Him being in a relationship isn't the problem. Him prioritizing relationships over you is the problem. If you confront your father, be sure to address what the real problem is
    via u/talladega-night

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